Something Special

There is something precious about the Christmas season.

Yes, there is definitely some ugly (have you seen the mall around this time of year?), but it does not even touch the beauty of this holiday. To the “grinches” and “scrooges” out there in the world, I do not understand you, at all. How can one hear O Holy Night and not feel at peace or hear Santa Claus is Coming to Town and not feel excitement? Is it possible to look at a Christmas tree and not feel in awe of its tranquil sight? I doubt it. Christmas food is delightful; and who doesn’t love candy? Christmas movies, as cheesy as some are, still (after watching them for many years) leave you feeling warm inside. Getting to see a child’s face when they open a present they’ve been longing for makes all the lines, traffic, and money spent worth every precious second. And when you wake up to find that the world around you has been covered in white wonder, you suddenly find yourself transported into a magical world that leaves you feeling breathless and giddy.

Christmas is the season of joy, hope, cheer, celebration, laughter, giving, receiving, sharing, and spending time with those who you love the most. No matter how much people have been trying to de-holidize (new word!) Christmas (it’s all “happy holidays”, “season’s greetings”, and being politically correct nowadays), there is and always will be something rather Divine and Holy about it. There is no denying it. As pagan as some of the practices may be, your heart (at one point or another) cannot help but glance towards that little manger where a precious and miraculous baby laid. There, fast asleep, laid Joy, Peace, and Hope.

Isn’t Christmas something special?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Dependency

How does one build a dependency on God?

It is not easy. For one, we are all very independent beings. And two, we seem to have a knack for depending on everything but God. I’m not sure why we are like this. Yes, I suppose the obvious reason is SIN. But this is what I don’t grasp: we KNOW that God is Comfort, Joy, Peace, and Love, yet we still choose to depend on things that are just a figment of it. Why must we be so dense?! And I am no excuse.

Where is this all stemming from? Well…

Last night as I trying (emphasis on trying) to sleep, I found myself praying. I was asking God for a church home and family (much like the one that I left back in North Carolina). Within this prayer I asked for a spiritual mentor, not that I don’t have any in NC, but there is something comforting about sitting face-to-face with a person who wants and enjoys giving you spiritual advice and encouragement. So there I was, praying.

If only I had a spiritual mentor, someone who I could turn to when I need advice on ministry or encouragement on my spiritual growth, then things would be easier. Then a light bulb turned on.

How dependent on people am I that I go praying for more to depend on? Friendships/relationships are a beautiful thing, obviously. But could it be that the thing I am praying for…has been with me all along, since the beginning?

The next question: how does one break an unhealthy dependency on others and build a healthy dependency on Christ?

Well…I guess I am going to have to learn and find out!

SNOW!!!

It’s snowing! Finally! This is not momentary flurries or a light dusting…it’s SNOWING!

I have talked to the weather many times about this, and now today, he/she (does weather have a gender?) has so willing obliged to my complaints and consistent nagging. My wintry weather philosophy is this: if it is going to be cold, there might as well be white snow (as if there was such a thing as non-white snow…).

Lately the weather forecast has been teasing and pulling at my heartstrings. Expect snow…nothing. It is going to snow…nope never mind, today is going to be sunny. It will snow…I see snow…nope, forget it, it’s already gone. So when the forecast showed the lovely predication of white precipitation, I was incredulous and to be honest, bitter. I felt like I was being lied to again. But alas, snow has fallen (and is still fallen!)!

It IS beginning to ( finally) look a lot like Christmas!

It may not look like much...but within seconds the ground was covered! *squeal of delight*

Bye-Bye First Semester at Gordon!

As of 9:30 on Thursday morning, I finished my last exam (Foundations of Youth Ministry), hence culminating the end of my first semester at Gordon. …Wait…I’m done?! Seriously? It went by so quickly. I must have blacked out a couple of days. Gosh.

I remember at the beginning of the semester being told that it would all go by so fast. My reply was disbelief - I had yet to get through orientation and it felt like an eternity had passed (it was going to be a long four years). Now, I am already done with my first semester.

I have also heard that it just keeps going by faster. If this first semester passed by so quickly, I can’t imagine how quick the other semesters are going to go by. I don’t think in all honesty that I want it to go by THIS fast.

So now I have 30 days to catch up on sleep, reflect on this past semester, see family and friends, do nothing, review Spanish (so I won’t forget it), write, and read (amongst many other things), while preparing myself for the upcoming and final semester of my Freshman year. I seriously can’t believe that I am at this point in my life. [I apologize in advance for the potential repeated themes of reflection (and even confusion) during these next few (or more) posts. Bear with me – I am still processing not only this semester, but this past year of my life as well (and I may be doing this for some time – I hear it can take a while).]

My mind won’t seem to let me write any further. I guess that means bed for me (before midnight?! *gasp*).

Sweet dreams.

Sleep

College students don’t get much sleep. It’s a “no duh Sherlock” statement, but we (or more so I) need to be reminded of it. In about 6 hours and 4 minutes I will be waking up to get ready for my last and final exam of the semester (Foundations of Youth Ministry). I “went to bed” a little less than an hour ago. What the heck?! I can’t fall asleep. It appears that my body has now been wired to fall asleep around the precise time of 1:30ish-2 o’clock. Good grief.

I am trying to recall an interesting “fact.” At the beginning of this semester, I remember being told that during my college life one of three things would get sacrificed: schoolwork, friendships, or sleep. Well, I got to do schoolwork (I would prefer not to fail), and friends are a must (I think staying up late and laughing till my stomach hurts by myself would get old rather quickly). So alas, bye-bye sleep!

Next semester I will adapt to a better sleeping schedule…yeah right!

I know a few students who punctually go to bed around the ripe time of eleven o’clock. ELEVEN O’CLOCK! Gosh, imagine. That sounds delightful…but it also sounds rather dull. It isn’t till after eleven when all the fun starts!

One thing is for certain: sleep is precious. It is ironic that sleep is one of the few things our bodies need the most, yet it is one of the few things that we deprive our bodies of the most. Darn irony!

I could say that I’ll sleep when I’m dead. But am I crazy?! I won’t be sleeping! I am going to be laughing to three o’clock in the morning with Jesus every night (if there is such a concept of time in heaven…I couldn’t say).

So I come back to the same conclusion. College students don’t get much sleep.

This is what I would like to do... (sleep!)

...Oh well...

Reflect - A Poem

Clinging to the past, striving for the future,
She lays it all out on the table.
All that was, is, and will be;
Full of struggles, blessings, and precious memories.
Reflect on lessons, regrets, moments, and life, while lying in bed.
Move on to contemplating choices and establishing decisions,
Time to move ahead.

Study

I have officially entered into exam mode. Books are being glanced over once more, note cards are being created for easier review and access (at least for me personally), Pandora is being played nonstop, yup, I’m studying!

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” This has been my homework verse for a while now. It was a while ago when I just did NOT want to study. My brain had literally protested and won. It was on boycott; no studying. I had prayed for strength – I knew I wasn’t going to get through the papers and reading on my own. Immediately Colossians 3:23 came to mind. Opening up my purple Bible, I turned to the address, and sure enough, I got my strength. Homework in itself can be a challenge on some nights, but when it comes to exam studying…it means business. It means going four hours straight without stopping. It means staying up later than usual (and as college students, we already stay up pretty late). It means searching for caffeine sources to keep you awake. It means sacrificing, for a few days, "fun" to immerse yourself into hours of studying to in the end take an exam that in all honesty will last for only two hours.

My Old Testament professor mentioned that studying is a form of worship. I’m sure it refers to more the aspect of studying the Word of God. However, if whatever we do, we do for God’s glory…then really, studying (even in the academic sense) is an act of worship. It feels far fetched, but then, it makes perfect sense.

Well then off I must go. It’s time to hit the books once again!

Indecisive

I struggle with making decisions. Choosing whether I want peppermint stick or Oreo flavored Fro-Yo (frozen yogurt) for dessert after dinner at Lane (the cafeteria at Gordon) sends me into a panic – what do I do?! Each flavor in itself is entirely good. No matter what, I am going to have a sweet treat. However, I may eat that Oreo Fro-Yo and come to the unsettling conclusion that I should have went for the peppermint stick flavor. Now, this is just with ice cream. Imagine how I get when it comes to making IMPORTANT decisions (but don’t tell me that choosing what type of cheesecake I want from the Cheesecake Factory is not important…).

As I have gone about making big decisions this past year (those mostly concerning attending college and other things Gordon related), I have been able to gain some more insight into my decision making process. I, Katrina, get anxious over making the RIGHT decision. Whether it is between which Fro-Yo flavor to get (always choose peppermint stick), or which church to attend, I find I have this need to make the right choice. I find myself standing with a great choice on my right and an equally great choice on my left, but I got make sure that I pick what God wants me to do.

…Could it be, that when I am at a crossroad of picking between two good things that I may be allowed to just simply…make the choice? *gasp*

I know that whatever I choose out of these two choices will be blessed either way, but still, wouldn’t one choice still come out as being the WISER choice? Despite how much I may struggle with this aspect of life, there are a lot of choices I have made that I do not regret in making (like coming to Gordon). And when it comes to the choices that I realize were maybe not as wise, God has always provided a way “out” (whether it being an actual out or Him providing me with the strength needed to just get through it).

Though I may hmm and haw over what choices I may make in life, God knows the plans that he has for me, and for us (and they will prosper, not harm us; they will give us a hope and a future)- Jeremiah 29:11. He didn’t struggle over the cross. And Jesus, though he may have asked (only if it was God’s will) for that cup to be taken away from him, chose the cross. No hesitation. No "let me make sure this is the RIGHT decision." He made the choice. Yup. God is not indecisive.

Trains

There is something about riding on the T where I feel I have been placed in a cornucopia of diversity. It is on the train where cultures collide, for a split second or longer. Hispanics, Indians, Asians, Italian, black, white, men, women, and children create the colorful mosaic that inhabits those steel, fast shuttles. On the train, everyone has the same goal. They are going somewhere: home, work, school, to go exploring in Boston, to get to the airport, and/or going to a friend’s place. Wherever the destination may be, they are all in transit. Lives intersect. Hospitality is exercised in the act of someone offering a seat to another. Conversations start; lives are shared between strangers who may never in their lives meet again! Where a unique individual is heading to a specific destination, an inanimate object gets filled with life.

Change

I had that moment last night of just really missing my church family in NC. It was a bit overwhelming. Transition has been kind to me (I would say 80% of it has been almost sweet), but now and then – usually at night when things die down a bit – I just find myself missing everyone. It is perfectly normal, I guess.

College and my experiences here in Massachusetts are all so different and drastically new. I guess what I was aching for last night was something familiar: going to church on a weekday morning and staying till beyond five with my youth pastor, his wife, and their kids; getting to lead youth in a Bible study and build friendships with them. When I go back to visit, I know I will be welcomed back with open arms and love, but the home I left will no longer be the same (I understand that). It too will be different.

Now, I am not dissing change. Different can be entirely wonderful. However, there is still a mourning process for the “loss” of something. Again, I have not lost this community in NC. But, I have in a way lost what once was. Change will not make my NC reunions any less sweeter or less delightful. It will just be…different. I guess no matter where you are in life, or how much you trust that God has everything under control, the knowing that things will from here on out be different is still hard to swallow.

We are all constantly growing and changing, being formed all the more into the man or woman God created us to be. Sometimes that means we must stay where we are in life, and continue to deepen our roots. Sometimes that means we must suddenly uproot to be planted somewhere else among other flowers and plants. And when you go back to visit that sunny garden, you find that those buds you left behind are now flowers, or trees, striving in their environment in which they were called to remain. You too are now a flower, or a tree, but you just needed some new fertilizer to help your grow taller and stronger. You look at these dear plants who took you from being a seed to a bud, they too have changed. It saddens you that you were unable to watch them grow. However, you all agree that it was for the best (you would not have grown that way you did if you had not uprooted). Change, even if it involves a little bit of wilting, has the power to produce a flower. (This is quite a positive note, so I will end with this).

Always be Prepared

I am not one who tends to write about clothing (I being the one when someone mentions a certain brand of clothing will aptly respond with a blank stare). However, moving from North Carolina up to Massachusetts, I did not prepare well. December in North Carolina does not mean coat, jacket, and warm hat season (I washed my dad’s car in the middle of December once). December in Massachusetts, well, you better be prepared. Just the other day I found myself at a Young Life meeting cold in my shirt sleeve shirt. I wondered (as I tend to do) why I was so cold. Glancing around, I realized that everyone else in the room were warmly clothed in long sleeve shirts or was at least wearing a jacket/sweater. They knew the Massachusetts weather; I apparently have forgotten about it (it has been a few years). So, as was planned, my roommate and I got in my car and took off to Savers (a popular thrift store in Mass). My goal: to buy a few sweaters, long sleeved shirts, etc. Now, I am very much a jeans and t-shirt girl, so I had to tell Molly to keep me away from the t-shirt section (she succeeded). I have to brag…I walked out with a good buy. Next step in Project: Dress Katrina is: boots. Slowly, my wardrobe is adapting and transitioning to the colder climate.

Thankfully, my transition here at Gordon has run a bit smoother (and I haven’t found myself caught in the cold as often without a sweater – if you get my little analogy). I will admit tears have been involved, and I have had my doubts and struggles; however, the process of transitioning has been almost pleasant in some aspects. Maybe it was because, as opposed to my wardrobe, I was more equipped. A very dear friend shared with me her college experience (specifically her first few months of transition) and prepped me for mine. I knew tears would come; I knew I would struggle; I knew it would be hard. Has this made the transition process any less painful? Of course not! Change can be wonderfully good, but it can still hurt. However, by being prepared for what was to come (though we can never FULLY be prepared – things can still catch us off guard), I was (and still am for that matter) able to embrace the transition (pain and beauty).

So I will leave with this: 2 Timothy 4:2 mentions that we need to “be prepared in season and out of season.” So whether it is for an emotional transition, a geographical transition, or even a transition of wardrobe, let’s remember the wise Scout motto: “Always be prepared.”

Where to Begin???

It has been precisely 4 months 3 days and some odd minutes since my last post. Quite frankly, a lot has gone on during that time – to much for that matter. Maybe one day when the beautiful craziness of life has died down a tad and time is provided for contemplative reflection, perhaps then I will write about that time when I departed from my beloved life in North Carolina and embraced the foreign world of college and what life was like during the months of my first semester. I can’t really write on it now, because honestly, I still do not know what to make of it all – everything is still in process; transition is still taking place.

So where to start? Or re-start? Right here seems pretty good. It is December 1 – as it has been for the last 15 minutes – the weather is cold (can’t really expect much else from a New England winter); there has been no snow, but I have spotted Jack Frost lurking about. I have precisely 7 days left (including today) of classes, then I must embrace that darsh-gone-wonderful culmination of the semester: final exam week (insert chorus of groans, shrieks, and coffee being brewed – get it? because everyone is going to need caffeine to stay awake due to the final late night cram/study sessions.).

As of right now:

I am still a Youth Ministry and Biblical Studies major – that has not changed. However, my geographically location has. I have stepped up in life. I, Katrina, am no longer a commuter student. That’s right! I am now a resident on the Gordon College campus. For a while I was dorming solo in a room, just me, myself, and I, but that eventually changed. I was lifted from my quarters, moved down a floor and over to a different hall and am now dorming with a roommate (however, that is a very long story for a very different time).

My days are filled with: classes, which the majority start off with prayer; attending chapel to get some spiritual feeding while covering the hidden agenda of obtaining mandatory chapel credit (which I have achieved); takings wogs (a walk/jog combo); getting my roommate further hooked on Friends; writings papers, takings tests, studying a foreign language, and reading (there is a lot of reading) as a part of my homework load; building friendships with a wonderful diverse group of students (you all know who you are); getting involved with Young Life; immerging myself into a new church community – The Harbor; late night runs to Gilles to grab a late night snack; listening to Pandora (I am quite fond of my Glee Cast radio station); and ultimately striving to develop and deepen my relationship with Jesus – this is also very much in process and will be till eternity. (However, this still doesn’t cover everything – further reflection to come.)

So here I am.

And so I begin. Or re-begin…

It's Been A While

My aplogies in not posting in a while. I have been occupied with VegSource, church, friends, phone calls, and overwhelming emotions. It’s been a crazy 12 days since I’ve last posted on this good ole blog.

Doubts about Gordon have come and gone. My circumstances would seem to say one thing, while my heart another. I have realized that I need to look beyond my own ways and thoughts, and look to the Lord, whose ways and thoughts are WAY higher than mine. A negative attitude does not help. At all. God is GOOD. He provides WELL, even if it’s not in the way I expect or want, it’s in the way I need. My heavenly Daddy knows best. Selling home school books is crazy. Jesus works at the eleventh hour. I have some REALLY awesome friends waiting for me at Gordon and I have some REALLY awesome friends supporting me here in North Carolina. You can act like a child but lack the much needed child-like faith. Romans 15:13. Isaiah 55. If it looks like it is going to rain…make sure your windows are up all the way, or you will get drenched…twice! God knows how to bless His children. Worrying gets you no where.

I guess that can sum up the almost past two weeks.

My mind is still currently else where. I need to pack and get ready for a conference I will be going to tonight till Friday. It’s the Refuel Conference in Asheville, NC – through the Vineyard church. I really have not a clue what it will consist of…but I can’t wait!

Here’s to getting Refueled!

Since I've gotten back...

It’s been almost two weeks since La Vida. Those lovely days now feel like a dream (did the wonderfulness even occur?). In these almost two weeks, I got to reunite with a dear bosom friend who I have not seen in five months (she was over in the Philippines studying under midwives in a birthing home), I learned that my car had broken down (which it has just recently gotten fixed – thank God! – and was fortunately not as bad of a problem as we had thought), and I had also learned that I was going to have trouble securing an outside loan for school.

Transition is, well, transition. It’s crazy what 12 days out in the wilderness can do to a girl. The simplicity of that life, it was luscious. By day three of coming back, I was already running around again trying to get things done. It feels like everything that was awaken in me, that was established in my life, that I had learned during La Vida, is now being tested.

I feel SO ready for Gordon, for this new season in my life. Sadly it just feels like my circumstances are trying to fight that. With my current situation, I will not be able to dorm at Gordon this year. I think I have envisioned this new life at college so vividly in a dorm, that the thought of not dorming is rather hard – it’s almost as though I’m morning a “lost.” Not quite sure how reasonable that emotion is, or how pathetic.

God is Sovereign though. Those “who see the Lord lack no good thing” (Psalm 34:10). Whatever happens will be GOOD. Right now, it’s just hard to see that.

I will be commuting back and forth to Gordon while living with my mom (who lives a tad bit more than 30 minutes from the college). My heart has been missing my mom dearly, so I’m looking forward to living with her. But my heart that is also yearning for new independence, well, I think you all get the picture.

Romans 15:13
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

It’s time to trust in God, to hope in Him. There is a verse in a song that goes “Sovereign, you are still sovereign, even when my circumstances don’t change.” It is a true reality, but a hard one. But my soul rests in the one whose “presence goes with me and gives me rest” (Exodus 33:14).

I don’t want to give in to anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, and depression. No. That is not a choice I want to make. I have had to make a lot of choices within the past few months, and to give in to the negative will NOT be one of them. No.

I choose joy.

BE HERE NOW: An art of Focus

(This was a lesson for Spark that I got to share with a couple girls Tuesday night.)

In today’s culture it is EXTREMELY easy to get caught up in things. With our Ipods blasting Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga in our ears, with video games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto blasting before our eyes, with Facebook drawing us to check up on our friends and to “poke” someone, homework in itself takes too long, we got our friends, we may have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, parents are asking us to do chores, text messages are too important not to answer right away, how can there be time for God?

With that big math test coming up, with trying to find a babysitting job or a lawn to mow to get some extra cash, how can we even focus on right now?

How are we expected to be focused when everything around us is crazy, out of order, and just plain chaotic?

No day but today.

I found myself getting caught up in the world. It would be Monday and I would be too busy worrying about what would be happening on Saturday. I would be running around crazy, too focused on things I had to get done, that I wasn’t focusing on Jesus.

When we find ourselves running around, worrying about things, how do we usually end up feeling??? EXHAUSTED! OVERWHELMED! Maybe even ANXIOUS!

About a month ago, I was running around like I said before, like a crazy person. On top of that, when I was having a nice relaxing moment, I would allow it to be ruined by thinking of the fact that the next day I would have to work a ten hour shift or that I had something else that I needed to get done.

Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I looked over that verse and took on the thought, one day at a time. Easy said in done though right? I have been learning a lot about choices lately. We have the opportunity to make choices daily, hourly. Sprite or Pepsi? Go on Facebook or get homework done? Worry about tomorrow or choose to focus on today? The choice was made, and it helped! Monday, I would think only about Monday things, Tuesday , Tuesday things, and so on and so on. If it was a Wednesday and I knew I had to work ten hours on Saturday (bleh), I would wait to think about it till the time came, when it was actually Saturday. In the end, it actually made work a bit more bearable.

There is a reason Matthew 6:34 is in the Bible. Jesus wants us to live today. BE HERE NOW. He doesn’t want us to be stressing out over things that aren’t even going to happen yet, for “today has enough troubles of its own” – and He isn’t kidding!

By focusing on TODAY, we notice more things. Moments that may have been lost on us are experienced fully. Lessons that may have been looked over are learned.

Fortunate Camera Malfunction

For the past 12 days I went on a camping and canoeing trip that’s a requirement for Gordon College. A major theme in the trip was this philosophy “Be Here Now.”
We were never told what time it was, there was no such things as 9:30 in the morning or 3:00 in the afternoon. And when we would ask what we would be doing next, we were always told, “We’ll get there.”

I brought my camera on this trip and was EXTREMELY excited to take photos and capture everything that I would be doing. On day two, my camera began to act weird. Eventually it just wasn’t working. I was quite upset. I now wouldn’t be able to capture the moments of La Vida; at least, I didn’t capture them in the way I had intended.

Going through the days, I began to soak in the world around me. I could concentrate on the beauty of the water, how at moments it looked almost solid; the next it looked like it had the texture of oil. The woods/forests around us ranged from thick walls of pine trees to areas that felt more like I had canoed past a safari.

When I was rock climbing, I wasn’t thinking I need to get a photo of this (well, I wasn’t thinking that AS much…still human here ;D), but that this is awesome (even though I never was able to climb to the top…). Soon I began to realize that my camera malfunctioning was in fact, a GOOD thing.

I’ve always been a picture taker. At any event, I have my camera out and would walk away with at least a hundred photos. During La Vida, I learned that I had always been to busy trying to capture moments, that consequently, I wasn’t living the moments.

How much do we go about life through a “camera,” focusing on the wrong thing while we should just be focusing on now?

SINKING

Matthew 14:29-30 - “Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”

So, the disciples are out on a boat, minus Jesus. Looking out onto the water, they get frightened thinking that a ghost is walking towards them. It’s no Casper, but Jesus the Son of God. Peter calls out to Jesus, “If you are who you say you are…then ask me to walk to you out on the water?” Jesus does just that. GULP. Peter made his way out of the boat (I wonder if he put one foot down to quickly test the water first or if he just went for it…) and WALKED on water. Suddenly, a good gust of wind blew by and Peter noticed it. His eyes went from Jesus to looking out on the water. Automatically he began to sink. A call out for help, and IMMEDIATELY Jesus grabbed his hand.

How does this relate to Be Here Now and Focus? What happened the moment Peter lost Focus of Jesus? He sank. How true is that in our lives?! Our lives are bumpy like the ocean and can crash around us. The world itself is fierce like the wind. It’s distracting.

When we make our focus be Jesus, the things we can do! We can even “walk on water!” But…how do we keep from getting distracted? How do we focus on Jesus, when we got so many things that need to get done and accomplished?

What are we to do? You know how race horses have those blinders that they wear so not to see anything else but what is ahead. Should we just put on blinders, not paying attention to the world around us and just see Jesus. Yes and no. Our focus must be Jesus. But we can’t ignore our homework for school – even though I’m sure we all would like to. So then, how do we go about doing all the we must do in our life while keeping our focus on Jesus?

Matthew 6:33 – “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Seek Jesus FIRST…and then everything else will follow. Simple, but by no means simplistic.

So what is something that you can do personally in taking a step towards focusing more on Jesus? Maybe you can take some time each to have so undivided time with the Lord. OR, maybe you can memorize a verse that you can recite whenever you find yourself losing focus on Jesus. Exchange some La Gaga songs for a few worship songs that you can listen to throughout the day. The main thing though is to think of something and DO it. Make a goal.The thing with setting goals and thinking up realistic ways to practice something is how we can take a lesson heard and turn it into a lesson learned.

Let's make the choice. CHOOSE to FOCUS on JESUS and everything will work out.

La Vida - The Life (part 3)

Day 9 and 10 – SOLO

As part of our “final” for La Vida, we are required to do a solo. Basically, for two days we are on our own in the woods and during that time we do a fast from food. The night before solo, we as a group decided to have a vow of silence during the morning of solo and the morning when we would return. We would end the silence with a song of worship.

Getting up that morning, we all packed up our things – in silence – and soon enough were led away from camp. When we were about 100 yards or so away from camp (close enough that our leaders could get to us in case of an emergency and such), I was led to my spot. The group continued on, leaving me to start looking for a spot for my solo tarp. For the first few minutes I found myself wandering in circles trying to find a good clearing where I would leave my gear and sleep for the next two nights. Once I finally discovered a good spot, I got everything set up and am pleased to say, I set up quite a lovely solo tarp.

When all of that was said and done, it was time to explore. We were only allowed to stay within a certain distance of our solo camp, but were permitted to go down to the water – thank God! Down near the water, I was blessed with the perfect spot. A nice birch tree that had a thick branch hanging low to ground provided me with my sitting spot.

The mornings of solo were easier than the nights. The second day was overall easier than the first. Each day I wrote in my La Vida journal, prayed, read my Bible, memorized scripture, and worshiped. I craved GORP (Good Ole Raisins and Peanuts) as well as other yummy foods, there were moments that I was rather tired, and at some moments I found myself at a loss of what I wanted to do. Fasting out in the wilderness is much different than fasting in the comfort of your home where you have more things to do to keep you occupied (like reading a book). Besides the struggles that I meet over those two days, I also had some wonderful moments that triumphed over them. To sit on a tree, look out over the lake, and talk to Jesus, it’s a special thing. He brought me through things over that time. I ended that solo all the more excited for Gordon.

Day 11 – The last bag of GORP

Getting up that morning, taking down my solo camp, and walking back to the campsite with the rest of the girls (we would meet the boys at the campsite) was rather hard. We were all lightheaded and tired.

When we all meet up together and sat around the campfire, we each placed a natural object (a leaf, rock, a stick, etc) in the middle and said something about our solo time. After we sung our song, chatter broke loose and we over a nice breakfast of soup, shared our experience.

Camp was taken down, things were packed, canoes were loaded, and we embarked on our quickest canoe voyage. After pulling in, we found ourselves along a road. As we waited for the van to come and pick us up along with the canoes, we sat in a circle, dined on our last bag of GORP, and shared our ACE’s with another (Appreciations and Challenges/Exhortations). Arriving back to base camp was interesting, eleven days ago we had all started out there, to be back and to see how different we all were as individuals and as a group, it was awesome!

Getting some logistics dealt with (returning some gear, setting up the campsite where we all start out at, practicing a skit), we eventually got to do what we were all looking forward to, eat some FOOD food, and this wasn’t just in our group of twelve, but with all the canoe and hiking groups – the reunion was lovely. Walking into the room where we were to get our food, all the Sherpas served us – the room was CHAOTIC but WONDERFUL, Sherpas screaming at students if they wanted a burger or a hot dog, barbecue chips or Doritos. Another fun memory was when all the Sherpas came running at us with buckets of ice cream, and we all wondered, were they going to throw it at us or give it to us to eat? It turned out to be the later; though I’m sure a food fight would have been rather delightful.

After some down time, though for our group it was more active time (we were playing soccer and throwing a Frisbee), we all gathered in the barn for worship, skits, and testimonies. Worship was delightful, our skit went pretty well, and the testimonies were encouraging.

The night was the first time the whole twelve of us slept under the group tarp. We all decided as a group that if we had done that every night, we would have never slept. That night as we finally went to bed, many things went through my mind. It was our last night. The next day we would be leaving. Also, the following morning would hold our last physical challenge – an 8 mile run.

Day 12 – A heartfelt goodbye

That morning we had a nice light breakfast to fuel us as we would being running soon. A nice thing about all the challenges that we had (low ropes, rock climbing…) was that they are considered a “challenge by choice.” I knew I could not run the whole 8 miles, physically my body couldn’t do that; however, to walk and jog it, that’s a different story. And that was what I did.

After picking a spot, like a mail box, a sign, or a house, I would then jog to that spot. Two hours and about twenty minutes later, I had jogged and walked back to base camp. Praise Jesus! There were moments along the jog/walk that I felt like the Lord was placing this on my heart: “You have turned to others for answers, for support, now it’s time to turn to me for the solutions to your problems, to be your support. Let me carry you.”

After we had finished gather all our things together, had lunch, exchanged info to one another, it was time to board the vans and go home. Our Sherpas, Steven and Sarah, were incredible – wouldn’t trade them for nothing. They encouraged, motivated, challenged, and supported us. They were patient with us and listened to us. They modeled servant leadership. It’s been more than week since La Vida ended, and I miss them already.

The van provided a good means to transition back to the world, especially when those who were controlling the radio kept letting it play Lady Gaga. Soon we halfway there, and then, we were back at Gordon. Photos were taken, loving words were exchanged, and hugs were given.

I hopped into my mom’s car and we drove back to her apartment where I got to take a delicious shower and sleep on a bed (aw, the luxury).

The physical experience of La Vida had ended, but La Vida continues through my life. The lessons I have learned go with me now throughout my days. Now, my heart is at ease knowing that I have friends waiting for me on the day orientation begins. Friends who will support and encourage me. The trip has given me a closer relationship with Jesus and has given me who I consider my La Vida family - to you lovely people, I love you all!

I could go on and on about La Vida, and there are still so many stories to share, but for now, everyone can at least have a small idea of what went on during that beautiful time.

Choose Joy!

La Vida - The Life (part 2)

Day 3 – Up in the Air

Three words: high ropes course. Imagine it. You come to a clearing. Trees that are rather high loom before you. One “course” consists of a rope incline, with two other ropes on each side (to be used to help pull you up). Another course, called the Indiana Jones Bridge, is made up of, you guessed it, a bridge that one must balance across. Four more small courses follow these two and make up what is considered the La Vida’s high ropes course. It was you, a harness, someone below who is connected to the harness, your balance, and Jesus.

This was where I found myself on the morning of Day 3. Of course, it was also raining. Praise God, the weather had let up some when it came to my turn to attempt the course.

Going up the first course – the incline – was especially hard. Encouragement from below motivated me to push. To my amazement, I did it! The next three small courses went by with a breeze. The whole time I was in utter disbelief. I was actually doing this! I came to a small platform where I got to rest for a few minutes and was required to either, sing a song, do a dance, or make a joke. I went for the lovely song and dance combo and sang “Don’t Stop Believing” (the Glee version).

The next course that loomed ahead of me was considered the rope vines course. Besides a small wire my feet had to balance and cross on, rope vines were spaced nicely apart to be what my hands could cling to for support. Halfway through, due to slipperiness of the wire rope I’m sure, I slipped. There I hung, clinging to one of the vines with one hand, and the wire rope with the other. More encouragement from down below shouted that I could do it, that I just had to pull myself up.

Those who know me can agree that I am not strong by any means, especially when it comes to upper body strength. It seemed I had no choice but to let go and have them lower me back down. But something came. Motivation? Determination? Inspiration? Sure! I pushed my muscles and surprisingly pulled myself up. A few more steps and I of course slipped once more. However, getting back up that time was easier. I came to the last course, crossed the log, and was then lowered to the ground in great victory. Thank the Lord, I had done it.

Later on, we packed up a van, loaded up the canoes, and we finally, to the groups greatest delight, set off. The trip began with a portage – when you carry the canoes overhead so to cross land. Down the first hill I recall slipping (it must have become a new habit for the day) and falling with the canoe upon me – it was rather brilliant on my end. The portage was small and I was able to manage it.

Soon, we had hit water. After returning to our starting point near the van once more to collect gear we made our way back to the water which we all had yearned to reach. It was time to canoe! I got in the front of the canoe with one our Sherpas – Steven. Once everyone was loaded up, gear and all, two to a canoe, we took off. How exhilarating! The first trip didn’t last long and we soon had to pull in due to the fact that if we continued down the river any further we would have hit some small rapids. Unloading, we began another portage. This one I didn’t have to carry a canoe, so I took a bag and followed. Once we got to camp, we had to turn around once more and go retrieve our bags (this is how all the portages were set up).

Our camp consisted of a nice lean-to, and we were fortunate, there was an outhouse. That night, we learned how to set up a bear bag (where you put food in a sturdy stuff sack and hang it up in a tree in a way that a bear cannot attack it), strangely enough it wasn’t a bear that ever attacked our food during the trip, but chipmunks. We also learned how to broadcast – it’s when after your brush your teeth, you do not merely just spit the toothpaste out in one spot, but spray it out all around. It was hard not to broadcast the first time without fits of laughter.

All cozy in the lean-to, boys one side and girls on the other, we reflected on the day. That day I got a clear example of endurance from the ropes course. Sometimes in trials, it seems the only option we have is to give in. But, you can always pull yourself up and finish with victory (more on this lesson later).

Day 4 to Day 8 - The Wonderfulness in Between

The next following days generally went along the lines of this: We would get up, pack up most of our stuff and go about doing our morning duties (bring down the bear bags, take down the tents and group tarp, filter water and fill up water bottles, or make breakfast). Then our Sherpa, Sarah, would lead us into a small lesson which was followed with us going off on our own for some devotion time (a time to sit at the base of a tree, or on a rock by the water and write in our journals, worship, and pray to God).

Group Tarp

Next, it would be time to load up the canoes, get with your canoe buddy (we switched every day), and then as a group we would gather the canoes together out on the water and pray. And off we went! We canoed a lot each day (my guess at least 3 hours a day). We usually stopped once in between for snack, lunch, and/or bathroom break. At the end of each canoe voyage, we would then portage the canoes and gear to our campsite. This usually occurred after lunchtime. Once we get to camp, it’s time to set up the tents, tarp, get out things for dinner, filter more water, take care of bear bags, and fellowship with one another during it all. We would end the day with a life story or two (when one of us students would share basically a 15-20 minute testimony which followed with the rest of the group asking the student various questions whether serious or silly and then it would end for us praying for that student), some prayer, and worship. It was a blissful time!

Our Canoes

Each day we would have our LOD’s (Leaders of the Day). Two or three (depending on the day) of us would be the “Sherpas” for the day. We would be in charge of getting everyone up, making sure tasks were done, making sure everyone stuck to the map route, encouraging all, etc.

One of our Campsites

Throughout those days songs were sung out on the canoes, sometimes a little to loudly that we had to contain ourselves to not to disturb other canoers or kayakers who would pass us. Laughter was a common occurrence throughout the hours and minutes. Encouragement was just as frequent. Life was shared.

We would get caught in the rain, so we did all that we could do, we’d put on our rain jackets and embrace the weather (I remember on Day 8 – our “Final” – we got poured on out on the canoes. We didn’t complain, no, instead we shouted with glee, and welcomed the weather and challenge that it presented to us). Support was exchange during portaging. We learned to trust each other enough to be vulnerable and admit when we needed help. Friendships were made; a family was created.

I could go into detail of all the wonderful moments, but that would probably take about a books worth of writing. Just know, each moment was a treasure and it’s print will be forever in my memory and forever in my heart.

La Vida - The Life (Part 1)

Day 1 - Welcome to La Vida



Arriving at the Bennett Center, it was interesting to see everyone else arrive. Awkward, nervous, and shy, radiated from all. We were all total strangers. Slowly, names were exchanged, chatter arose, and all were asked the same question, “Hiking? Or canoeing?”

Boarding the van was an experience in itself. My initial introduction into the van was as followed: I was the last one to board the van. Looking at the fellow passengers, I smiled, went to hop in, and being a natural klutz, banged my head on the door frame. Hello everyone!

I was one of the few who was on the canoe patrol and I found it quite ironic that the friends I was currently attempting to make would not even be joining me on my particular adventure. However, there were two on the van who were going to canoe, who’d also be a part of my group, and who I now consider dear friends.

The van was loud. Then it was silent. And basically it repeated that cycle the whole way there. Loud being chatter, silent not necessarily being an awkward silence, but a silence brought on by people sleeping.


Roughly 7 hours and a ferry boat ride later, we arrived at the La Vida base camp. Cell phones were put away, it would be the last time we would have them till it came time to leave, and we took our last glance at the clock, for it would be our last time being aware of the time of day till it came time to leave. Automatically, we were meet by a lovely group of Sherpas (those who would be our leaders for the next 12 days). I recall seeing one guy run up to the group with a rather large plastic horse in hand and thinking, “He looks like he would make a fun Sherpa.” Whoda thunk he’d end up being one of my Sherpas! Once bags were unloaded and we all stood in a huddle, the games began. We were goblins attacking wizards and cows eating grass - I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Soon we were put into our groups. My group consisted of, including me, ten students, two Sherpas (Sarah and Steven), and Steven’s plastic horse (our “team mascot” named Blazon). After a name game and some time to get to know one another we were given our camping gear (a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, sleeping bag liner, a bug net, a wet bag, a stuff sack, and a whistle - I also had to borrow a pair of hiking boots, wool pants, and a rain jacket). Soon, we were off to our “campsite” that was a mere walking distance to base camp. After we were settled in, a small devotion, worship, and a prayer later, it was time for bed. May I add here, the one thing I missed the most on this trip was a pillow.


Day 2 - Low ropes, a hike, and rock climbing, oh my!


I never really knew what time we were woken up each day - my guess would be around 7 in the morning - all I know is, now my body is adjusted to it and I can’t seem to sleep much past 7:30 since I’ve gotten back from La Vida.

The morning was wet. Rain had graced us with it’s presence, and it would do so throughout the 12 day trip. Asking what we would be doing for the day, I was told gently by Sarah that “we’ll get there.” This would become her key phrase for the entire trip. I finally caught on by day three that I wasn’t ever really going to know what the day would have in store for us.

We were led by our Sherpas into the woods to a spot that consisted of a wooden platform with a swinging rope vine a couple feet away. Our goal? Being a few feet out of arms length from the rope we had to grab it and each swing across - not touching the ground - to the platform where we all had to be on. Barely into day two and already our group had to begin to work as a team and learn to communicate and trust each other.

Next, we were brought to a low ropes course. Where we had to balance on a thin steel cord using only each other most of the time for support. Because of the weather, the rope was rather slippery. Tightly we clung to each other, so not to fall off, and quickly barriers were broken, and we, from then on, became a tight group. The day had just begun, it wasn’t even lunch time.


Later on the day, as the sun finally broke out, we hopped into a van, drove, and walked up a trail with a very nice incline - she says with much sarcasm . Twice I had to stop and use my inhaler. I then began to freak out, was this what it would be like the entire trip? Me being totally unfit and inadequate to do the physical challenges of La Vida?

At the top we were meet with a nice rock wall which we would all attempt to climb. Our group all took turns climbing, most were able to get to the top. Authentic, genuine encouragement was shared greatly. When it came for my turn to climb the rock wall, what an experience it was. I got halfway - half more than I ever expected myself to even climb - when I got stuck. And stuck I was. For the next who knows how long I would get a good grip, pull myself up, and slip. The cycle continued for a rather long time. My group encouraged and tried to give me advice. I hold it dear to my heart, but unfortunately, I still couldn’t get myself up the wall.

I could tell that time was running short and we would have to get going soon. Eventually I had to go back down. While my attempt to finish rock climbing to those around me had shown determination, persistence, and endurance, I had viewed my efforts, as well, a fail. This would be the beginning of my learning to define success as God sees it, not as the world sees it. I had to allow God’s grace to be sufficient for me, because I was having trouble having grace upon myself.

A lovely thing to keep in mind about having to go uphill is that in the end you get to go downhill. I slept good that night.

Where do I begin?

I don't even know where to start. For one, typing on this laptop feels REALLY weird (12 days without electricity can take a toll on you). But boy, that shower was heavenly (12 days with no soap, shampoo, or razor can take its toll on you). La Vida was incredible! I feel I can't even quite yet articulate, nor describe the experience well enough. However, it will forever be ingrained in my heart as 12 beautiful days where I grew wonderfully close with my Creator, meet 12 new strangers who I now consider my La Vida family, and was stretched beyond expectations of myself.

I can now paddle a canoe, set up a solo tarp, portage, make a butterfly knot, and use the great outdoors as my toilet with much ease. The 12 day outdoor expedition involved me, 9 other students (incoming and current Gordon students), 2 Sherpas (our leaders), and one plastic horse (our "team mascot"). I climbed half a rock wall, completed a high ropes course (me in a harness high up in the trees, balancing on a rope or a small platform with Jesus), canoed many miles, portaged a good chunk of miles as well, fasted for two days as part of my "Solo," and half jogged and walked an 8 mile distance. During this experience I grew as an individual, a friend, a leader, and as a child of God. I learned valuable lessons, such as "Be Here Now" (more on that later), and I got to witness even more in depth the beauty that is the Body of Christ. With a new nickname - "K-Train" - I now feel all the more ready for Gordon - I got God on my side and friends to await me.

I promise I will go more in depth on my experience soon, but for now I must go and soak in this wonderful experience some more.

- K-Train

Time for La Vida!

In just a few, I will be getting in the car with my mom. we will be driving off to The Bennett Center at Gordon College where I and other students will board a shuttle bus to go to the Adirondack Mountains in New York. I am SO flippin' excited!!!

No shampoo, no deodorant (I can hear the gasps and feel the grimaces), no pillow, no toilet paper...no toilet (I know, I know, TMI), I couldn't be more stoked!

For the next 12 days I will be soaking in nature, challenging myself as an individual, pushing myself physically (not to much with active induced asthma though...), growing spiritually, and creating (hopefully) some incredible friendships.

So I am off. Off on this grand adventure that will become a part of my "Adventurous Life" (Which seems to be a theme/motto with Gordon).

Till next time!

Off to Massachusetts!

I've read in books stories of plane rides where people got to minister to others. That being on my mind and heart as my brother was being driven to the airport, I prayed. Asking God to take care of who I would be sitting next to on the flight, I didn't have a clue what He had in store for me.

I was reading "The Great Divorce" by C.S Lewis, when the woman who was sitting next to me asked if I liked the book, and it all went wonderfully up-hill from there. She knew about Gordon - which was just some more of God's awesome way of confirming things for me. We shared life, ministry, and God - we even prayed at the end of the flight! Isn't it amazing how involved in our lives God can be? He can take - as long as you ask - something as typical and mundane like a plane flight and turn into a wonderful divine intervention of His awesomeness.

And this was just the plane flight!

I got to attack my mom with hugs when she met me at baggage claim as well as throughout the day. It's great getting to be able to talk to HER and not to her on the phone. To be able to laugh together, goof off together, it's a joy!

I still had to get thing set for La Vida, so a good chunk of the day we went to Walgreens, Market Basket, and Wal-Mart. I got all that I need (Sunglasses - $15. Sunblock - $8. Bug Spray - $5. Knowing you're going to have a wonderful time out in God's creation - priceless.), except for biodegradable soap. WTFT! (What the french toast) We are going to check out Whole Foods (praying we will be successful).

Now, I can not keep my eyes open for any longer. I get to go on a campus visit at Gordon tomorrow!!! Sweet Dreams all!

LOADS to do...cause I got some lovely places to be!

The entire week has been an EXTREMELY busy week and an EXTREMELY productive week preparing for La Vida. I've managed to get anything Gordon-wise that is due by June 30th done in this week (since on the 30th I will be probably canoeing on a lake without electricity - obviously.), minus one thing (but I can still get it done before I leave). This medical form insanity is starting to have a light at the end of it's dark, hollow, disgusting tunnel. Loan stuff is still in process, but I've got my goals still for it. AND, I have been given all the clothes I need for the trip (more on this later).

I have driven way more than I ever want to in a week and am ready for two weeks and some odd days of not driving. Pretty sure on Thursday I traveled over the whole triangle area (downtown Raleigh to Wake Forest to Durham to Cary back to Raleigh, yup, I'm serious.). The breaks, that still weren't really breaks, but at least didn't consist of driving, calling, emailing, or taking care of anything "big," I tried to take some advantage of it's relaxing opportunities, but guys...I'm exhausted! Dog-gone tired never really comes to mind...but I am DOG-GONE TIRED! Sleep has been off for me this week - but that doesn't help. But, complaining will stop there (it may just continue later *wink*).

I will continue this soon on how blessed I've been this week (this is always the good stuff!).

I'm crazy about em'

Tuesday held another Spark night (youth home group at my church). One cool dude gave his testimony that night and did an incredible job! It is always exciting to not only see a young person step out and say that they would like to share their testimony, but to also watch how leadership qualities emerge through their growth. Tuesday night we also bid farewell to another cool dude in the group. He moves to Washington today (Thursday), and he will be missed.

Never thought I would be a part of leading a youth home group. Never thought I would be a leader in youth ministry. But here I am! Youth are crazy, but I am CRAZY about them. I love watching youth come to Christ, surrendering their life and giving their all to Him. Watching them ask questions and seek His goodness, it's a lovely treat. I want to see youth on fire, passionately worshiping Christ!

There are moments when I wonder if what I'm teaching is making a difference. Am I just boring them? But then a question is asked, or a youth will add their input to a topic of discussion, and my "heart purrs" (as a lovely friend of mine says). The group I teach (Junior High students) is small (3-5 youth on an average night), but I wouldn't trade them for anything.

At times I wonder if I'm doing enough. That seems to be a common feeling, the feeling that "I should be doing more!" And that's where I got to find that balance, where I challenge myself as a youth leader, but also where I need to have grace upon myself and realize that I can't do it all, especially on my own (I am a leader with a limp as I read in one book).

As my last month draws nearer, I'm finding myself become more and more nostalgic. Talking to the youth, praying for them, teaching them, and just goofing off with them places a bittersweet feeling in my heart. Especially watching as our seniors are about to head off to college, middle schoolers about to enter high school, and the tweens (ministry one is in before entering the youth ministry) about to enter the youth ministry, it's crazy!

My heart's prayer is as I continue to communicate with them while in college, I hope to hear of exciting experiences. Like, that crazy service experience, or that incredible worship night, or how the youth is growing fruitfully (and I'm not talking particularly about size), or how God is just growing them and they are just crazy about Him!

Though I've only been with these youth for three years now, they will be a part of my life forever. I love them dearly and will look forward to the times where I will get to visit them!

To the Wyld.Fire Youth - I love you!

LA VIDA!!!

I'm going!

Deposit has been deposited
Ticket has been booked
Forms faxed
Clothes...well, still working on that one

But the main thing is...I'M GOING!

For a while, I didn't think it was going to happen. And, I'll fess up, at moments I didn't have faith that it will be taken care of (sorry about that Jesus). However, God is gracious and He loves me! So far, everything - including the bumps and obstacles - has been working out beautifully.

This upcoming Sunday I will be hopping aboard good ole Jet Blue and flying to Massachusetts. That Tuesday, I will be traveling to the Adirondack (I have yet to say that word correctly...) Mountains in upstate New York, where my wilderness adventure will start! Twelve days later I will arrive back to Massachusetts, with hair with an elevation that is astronomical (and don't get me started on what I will probably be smelling like), skin that's hopefully nicely tanned, and mainly, friendships that have been created and a relationship with Jesus that has been deepened. I'm itching with excitement to start!

Medical Madness

Something that is required for incoming students at Gordon - and for pretty much any student coming into any college - is that they fill out a medical questionnaire form that includes a physical exam and immunization requirements. This form is going to be the end of me. I have no record of my immunizations at my current doctor - not good. So basically I've been following a rabbits trail and have had to call all of my previous doctors, from birth to now, in search of when I've received my different immunizations.

Never have I made this many phone calls. Before, calling people on the phone was difficult for me (like, bring on the panic attack). Now, I think I'm a pro! Welcome to adulthood! (I should just make that a phrase. W.A.H. - Welcome to AdultHood)!

Once this craziness is all set, and I know which immunizations I have received, I will either have to a) go to the health department to get any immunizations I may have missed (it's free to get most of them done there, thank you Jesus!) or b) I may have everything I need and I can get this thing complete and sent out (hoping for this!).

La Vida?

Why is that you don’t seem to realize how much you’ve been going, going, going until you’ve actually just stopped? Well, I being a little energizer bunny lately, just recently found myself stopping and relaxing for a small time. It all then hit me at once, how much I’ve been running around (both physically and mentally) and how tired I was. My conclusion? I’m ready for a break (July can’t come any sooner). What makes it hard is feeling like I can’t afford a break, literally.

An opportunity was presented before me just the other day. Gordon College has this program called La Vida – an outdoor expedition. It’s a 12 day camping trip filled with hiking/backpacking, canoeing/kayaking, and rope courses – and this girl REALLY wants to go.

The trip is June 22nd till July 3rd. Oh yes. It will be that soon. It couldn’t have come at a better time. The trip feels very convenient, yet at the same time very inconvenient. It would be an amazing trip where I can start to create some friendships (it would be nice to start college already knowing some students who I may have possibly bonded rather incredibly with), knock out a required core credit, gain a great experience, and honestly, yes, get away for a bit (I am flawed). However, it will interrupt this college registration process of sending in forms and stuff (which I could get most of it possibly completed, God-willingly, within this upcoming week, God-willingly). And of course, like most things, it will cost money. This lovely experience will cost me the ripe price of a deposit, airfare, and clothes (because I can’t wear anything cotton on this trip and that pretty much makes up my wardrobe).

As I’ve been going over this stuff in my mind and wondering about money and what to do, I was brought to a verse:

Philippians 3: 12-14 – “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus too hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Okay, I don’t want to be one to take something out of context, so if I am, please give me a cyberspace slap in the face (I like that that rhymed). But after reading Philippians 3:12-14, I feel like it applies to what I am currently writing about – especially in terms of straining towards what is ahead.

This process is interesting, I’ll give it that. God is definitely doing something in me and is at work here in my life. Learning to make choices is something I believe He is taking me through. Not only that, but I’m learning to make choices and accept the consequences of that decision, whether good or bad (can there be such a thing as a good consequence? It feels like an oxymoron).

Go to La Vida? Or don't go to La Vida? That is the question.....

Going on 19

(Side note: Sorry for the 6 day time lapse of nothingness to read)

I'm nineteen. As a great friend of mine told me - after wishing me a happy birthday -at 12:00 am on June 7th, "You've been alive for nineteen years." That's it? Why does it feel like much more than 19 years?

Besides the fact that I had to work a small shift that morning - I won't be bitter - my birthday was filled with sweet moments of joy, laughter, and fun. The lovely day involved a free grand slam from Denny's (hot diggity dog!), picking up a bangin' cake, and a great party - which was filled with hula hooping, good games like "Big Booty" and "Pterodactyl," and getting to eat the bangin' cake.

A moment of reflection: How was year 18? It was a sweetly broken year. Like any year, it had some really wonderful moments, days, weeks; however, it was a very HARD year (which can explain part of the time lapse of no posts and the fact that there's been a lot of going and going and no just sitting around and having the time to write up something). I had a lot of growing up to do, a good chunk of which I think had to happen prematurely. There were some tough lessons to be learned - some of which I am still learning - like how to only depend on Jesus, that I got to make my own decisions (and they are between Jesus and I, not I and the others around me), that I can't let the opinions of others affect me, that in some things I am going to be on my own, but that that is okay, and the list goes on. Coming into adulthood is not easy, and I've already had a crash course in it.

BUT, I'm not going to go on to say how HARD and BROKEN this year has been without mentioning the "sweetly" aspect and some of the wonderful moments. I have grown SO flippin' much, seriously. My relationship with Jesus is in a beautiful place where it was not a year ago. And I have learned some wonderful things, like that I want to go to college to study God's Word and ministry.

At sometime I should go a little deeper and share my eighteenth year testimony, but today is not that day.

What about year nineteen (this new age that I am adjusting pretty well to thus far, but only been for two days)??? I think this is going to be a beautiful year/age. Am I in a new season of my life? Not sure yet, I got to talk to Jesus about that one. However, I am ready for the challenges the lie ahead, which all mainly revolve around the fact that I will be going to college in roughly 2 months 10 days.

Year nineteen...hello.

It's a Process

I applied to Gordon pretty late in the game, so I’m finding myself having to go through the process of sending in forms and such rather quickly. The deadlines for everything are typically spread throughout the beginning of the year – giving the students time to gather it all together. Again, since I’ve started this process late, I got to get everything done and sent in ASAP. Deposit (sent), housing questionnaire (sent), medical forms (not yet done), and financial aid verification forms (not yet done), and this is just the beginning. Once this all gets sent in, a new phase starts – looking for loans, and hopefully…register for classes (the fun stuff!). And with that, I guess I then have to wait (unless something else comes up). The college process is fun and exciting at one moment, yes, but at other moments it can cause some great anxiety. All in all, it is making itself out to be an interesting one.

Another process - sanctification. Simply, sanctification is growing in Christ. Further, it’s being willing to cooperate (saying yes) with God’s spirit to be transformed, while trusting in the One who is leading the process. Ultimately, the process of sanctification will cost us everything. An analogy I was taught with this was to think of it in terms of a check. You write the check out to Jesus. The amount is everything (that’s a LOT of zeros). Gotta make sure you sign it. Then, you give it to Jesus.

The thing with this process, the growing, most of the time we tend to not really see or notice it while it’s happening (cause it’s usually during the hard times that we grow, and we are usually focusing more on how hard or stressful that hard time may be). These past few months I knew I was growing – past experiences have shown me that – but at first, I was focused on how hard things were. Once I began to give things over more to Jesus, I could not only see the growth, I could feel it. Now, looking back, I can see how I’ve grown and why.

This morning was just another part of what makes this process, this walk with Christ, so wonderfully beautiful. The past couple of days of getting lost in the college process, yes, I was including Jesus in it, but I didn’t get myself to spend that devoted, focused time with Him. It is crazy how just a few days without spending some good one-on-one time with Jesus can quickly affect you. So, I took some of that much needed time today…and wow!

The fire that grows, and the connection that deepens during these intimate moments with our heavenly Father, our close friend, is awesomely indescribable.
I would go more in depth with this topic, but the time is getting late and this chick is fading fast.

Sweet dreams all!

A Spark Lesson

(Every Tuesday nights – except for the last Tuesday of every month – I help lead and teach my churches youth home group, Spark. For the past month and for these next two months, I have been teaching the Junior High Group – I love you guys! I thought it’d be cool to start sharing with you all – whoever you are – what I’m teaching these awesome Junior High students. This is a bit more revised then what actually came out of my mouth, but you get the idea!)

DEADHEADING

I’ve just finished a five-week house sitting gig for a good friend of mine. One thing she had me do while she was away was tend to her garden – simply just watering it every day. This in itself did make me a bit weary – I did not want to be recognized as Katrina A.K.A. Flower Killer. But how hard can watering a garden be? With that in mind, I think I went at it with some good enthusiasm. The process was, well, simply put, a process. There were some casualties I am sad to say, and I don’t care for squirrels much now (stinkin’ critters attacking those flowers!.. Squirrel! – he he, Up reference…), but in the end, the flowers bloomed rather nicely – take that flower killer!

So going back to some of those causalities, I would be watering and enjoying the flowers that had in fact bloomed, but then, next to that pretty sprouted flower would be a dead, shriveled up flower! What the French toast!!! Maybe the flower didn’t get enough water – amateur waterer here! – But in the end, there were flowers like that. Thankfully this didn’t kill my gardener ego, because I really didn’t have a gardener ego in the first place!

I mentioned this to my friend – the one who has spent time, money, and energy in putting together the garden and all the other pots of plants – and she in turn mentioned to me a gardening process, called deadheading. No, not like that band Dead Heads.

Deadheading is the when you cut off the dead flowers in order to let the nutrients/nourishments be used on the flowers that are still alive.

Ese es un mensaje! (“That’s a message!”)

So how does this apply to us?

Being with Christ produces great fruit in our lives (think the fruits of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). Areas and things in our life that are dedicated to Him (maybe a certain skill like singing, or ministry, or your job even) are like flowers. Remember, we’re still human – an imperfect creation loved by a perfect creator. So there may still be some areas in our life that we do not allow God into, a dead area in our life, a dead flower. This relates more to the areas that are covered with sin. However, if there’s an area in our life that God isn’t a part of, nor has reign over, it will essentially end up dead.

So here are my questions…

What are our priorities (what we’re spending our time, money, and energy on)? What are we giving all our energy to? What’s our focus on?

For me, I have spent a LOT of time and energy on worrying and focusing on the future. It did NOT produce something that was living in my life; instead it harbored anxiety and doubt in my life.

This can be the same with an addiction.

If we put all our time and energy into something that in itself is a dead thing … what a waste!

1 Corinthians 6:12 – "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.

Today we can do pretty much whatever we want, but even so, not everything we do is good for us (drugs, sex outside of marriage, cheating on a test, fighting, worrying). We got to set our priorities straight. We got to refocus.

We got to allow God to cut away the dead flowers – this way our energy can be put to use to grow things that are living. With worrying for me, I had to share my worries with Christ, surrender them to Him, and now daily, I got to make the choice to not “Be anxious in anything” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Some dead flowers are close to the living flowers – maybe even attached to them. There are some things in life that are not bad, but within it there can still be sin, for example, a dating relationship. Dating in itself is not sinful. However, sex outside of marriage is. So if you cut that out of the relationship – the dead flower - the flower will nourish, giving you a growing, healthy relationship.

Or let’s say school. School is not sinful, obviously. However, cheating is wrong. If you are spending all your time and energy on cheating, it will only produce something that is dead – and in the end it won’t help you. So if you cut cheating out and spend that time say on getting extra help, not only will it produce a healthier flower, but probably even a better grade.

Cutting these things out of our life can and will be hard and even painful. But it isn’t through our own strength that we do this…its through Jesus and His boundless strength (Philippians 4:13). What is an area in your life that may be considered a dead flower?
John 15
1"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
By having our priorities revolve around Christ and letting Him be our main focus in life, the only thing in the end that we will produce in our life is living flowers.

A decision has been made…

I have made the decision – and I can’t go back cause email has been sent and everything – that I will be leaving my job by the end of June. This way I will have the month of July off to spend with family and friends before I leave in August. AH!

Always I have been the type to do the responsible thing. So for a while now I’ve been battling with this decision with my job. Figuring I should work all the way till I leave in order to save money, sounded like the right choice – and I felt very obligated to follow through with that decision. However, with the amount of days I was already planning on taking off in July, and with the few hours I have been given to work – I probably wouldn’t have really come out with a lot of money in July. Already I am down to working ONE day, Saturday. Not fun, but a necessary evil for the month of June – I got to be a little bit responsible…it is in my nature. It’s nice to have this all figured out and decided though – RELIEF!!!

Confirmation

per•se•vere –verb (used without object)
1. to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement;

James 1:2-4; 12 - 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Day One of taking a “Leap of Faith.”

So my morning with Jesus today consisted of me explaining that I was going to send in my deposit and trust that He would provide. Ending with a quick request for some further confirmation – I am an imperfect being that is constantly needing to be reassured and reaffirmed that she is walking on the right path – I left for church (a lovely highlight of my Sundays ).

It was during worship that I felt a soft nudge on the shoulder and was told by someone that he felt the Lord had two things for me:
1) That the Lord had began a good work in me and will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6) - I found myself thinking of Philippians 1:6 during prayer time this morning actually (funny how things work out, huh?).
2) And that those who persevere will receive the crown of life (James 1:12) – and with this one he said he felt that God was pleased with my perseverance and was building a strong foundation in me through this time of testing (which I have been sensing this strongly quite a bit lately).

So, if that is not confirmation for my morning prayer, I don’t know what is!

Slowly, I’ve been making it known that I, Katrina, have been accepted to Gordon College – yay! – and will be leaving in August for Massachusetts. Okay, interesting thing about BIG information. The more you share, the more real it all becomes. AND, the more I share, the more I have watched as loved ones who I know extremely well and not so well react with an underlining tone that says, “But, I don’t want you to leave!” – this has been wonderfully hard. Hard in the fact that my leaving is going to hurt and upset those around me, which I hate the idea of. Strangely wonderful in the aspect that…I’m loved!

I’m not merely leaving a place and some people. I’m leaving a home and a family. Jesus has blessed me extremely well with a family here in good ole NC. Abundantly blessed can be used quite loosely with this subject. Whenever I think about leaving this wonderful family of mine, the phrase, “you’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart” (Wicked quote from song ‘For Good’) comes to mind. I don’t think I can ever fully express how much everyone here means to me and how much they have impacted my life. They have helped me become the young lady who I am today.

On my way back from a cookout with a home group I just started to attend not too long ago, I found myself reflecting on how loved I feel and just how wonderfully and abundantly blessed I am for my church family. And now, I am being called to leave?! I know the closer it gets to my leaving that harder this is all going to become. However, I cannot deny the confirmation. I’m meant to go. My going to Gordon College is for God. I give this journey – I dedicate it - to Him who sends me.

Money issues – we all got em’

I found myself praying at my church yesterday (Friday) morning. Thanking God for my acceptance into Gordon, I followed with a new prayer, a prayer for provision. I asked God to help take care of my tuition, cost for things throughout the year (like gas for my car), and for the money I would need to move back up to Massachusetts . Previously I have been told by someone, who didn’t even know I was applying for college mind you, that I didn’t have to worry about things financially. There have been moments where I find myself feeling like I am going to be taken care of, completely, as in no debt. But, fear of getting my hopes up, it’s hard to believe this.

After my prayer, it was only but a mere few hours later when I checked out my Gordon page (something I find myself doing often…) and was able to see the Financial Aid I had been given. Dudes, I was stoked! I even had to walk out of the room I was in to a room where I could be alone to jump to my hearts delight – I’ve been doing a lot of jumping lately. Going back to look over the Financial Aid more in depth I found out a bit of news. Tuition was more than I realized, much more. It would be sufficient to say that I had a panic attack. (On top of this I have been dealing with some work complications which needless to say, not helping!)

So, this is where I am at. With the Financial Aid I have received – which again, is an amazing amount – I am exactly $13,588 dollars short for the school year. Quite frankly, my wealth in life does not convey of a plethora of crisp green bills.

Now, this girl has options. 1) Work Study – which I need to look to see if that could cover the entire amount I need 2) Loans – this is always an option, but not one I want to take so quickly 3) Scholarships – aw, free money! 4) Payment Plans – uh-oh. Oh what to do?

Remember that panic attack? Yeah, well I do! With panic comes questions which means doubt. Can I even afford to go to this school? Should I go to this school if it costs this much? Would it even be worth it for how much it costs? (I really can’t comprehend how ANYONE can be “lovers of money.” Really. Why bother with it if it causes this much insanity?!).

Throughout all of this I got to remember – I got to remember this right now at this very moment as I type these very words (this craziness only happened yesterday so panic is still around the edges) – what god do I serve? Cause, I know for a fact, my God is quite brilliant at showing off in the area of provision. I mean, if He takes such care of the creatures of this earth…how much more so will He take care of His daughter (and this is Biblical folks!)??? This process isn’t going to be easy – it isn’t supposed to be easy (yes, this is Biblical also…can’t be picking and choosing here). However, my God promises to take care of me and see me through things. Booyah! (Don’t know if this is the right sentiment…but it was the first thing that came to mind).

I still need to send in my deposit, which yesterday I found myself thinking maybe I should make sure I can get everything covered before doing that…but then I may not get this deposit in for a few months. Another thing that is very Biblical, leaps of faith. Jumping into a pool with no water was one analogy I read once. You jump into the pool with faith and trust that God will fill it up with water before you well…kerplat! When God told Abraham to leave his home and that He would show him where to go, did Abraham make sure that God was going to lead him to a quiet suburb, where he would live on a nice plot of land, in a lovely colonial house (2 bedrooms, 2 baths) with a white picket fence? No. He followed him to a land called Canaan where he was made into a “great nation.” (And through a wife whose factory was declared closed for quite a while)

So I’ve decided I will go ahead and send in this deposit. Sadly this “Leap of Faith” gusto is wearing off, because I don’t know how they want the deposit to be sent and I won’t be able to figure that out probably till this Tuesday.

$13,388. Not that bad of a “Mount Everest ” to climb. Lord, I pray that you will provide…because you’re going to have to provide BIG TIME!