Something Special

There is something precious about the Christmas season.

Yes, there is definitely some ugly (have you seen the mall around this time of year?), but it does not even touch the beauty of this holiday. To the “grinches” and “scrooges” out there in the world, I do not understand you, at all. How can one hear O Holy Night and not feel at peace or hear Santa Claus is Coming to Town and not feel excitement? Is it possible to look at a Christmas tree and not feel in awe of its tranquil sight? I doubt it. Christmas food is delightful; and who doesn’t love candy? Christmas movies, as cheesy as some are, still (after watching them for many years) leave you feeling warm inside. Getting to see a child’s face when they open a present they’ve been longing for makes all the lines, traffic, and money spent worth every precious second. And when you wake up to find that the world around you has been covered in white wonder, you suddenly find yourself transported into a magical world that leaves you feeling breathless and giddy.

Christmas is the season of joy, hope, cheer, celebration, laughter, giving, receiving, sharing, and spending time with those who you love the most. No matter how much people have been trying to de-holidize (new word!) Christmas (it’s all “happy holidays”, “season’s greetings”, and being politically correct nowadays), there is and always will be something rather Divine and Holy about it. There is no denying it. As pagan as some of the practices may be, your heart (at one point or another) cannot help but glance towards that little manger where a precious and miraculous baby laid. There, fast asleep, laid Joy, Peace, and Hope.

Isn’t Christmas something special?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Dependency

How does one build a dependency on God?

It is not easy. For one, we are all very independent beings. And two, we seem to have a knack for depending on everything but God. I’m not sure why we are like this. Yes, I suppose the obvious reason is SIN. But this is what I don’t grasp: we KNOW that God is Comfort, Joy, Peace, and Love, yet we still choose to depend on things that are just a figment of it. Why must we be so dense?! And I am no excuse.

Where is this all stemming from? Well…

Last night as I trying (emphasis on trying) to sleep, I found myself praying. I was asking God for a church home and family (much like the one that I left back in North Carolina). Within this prayer I asked for a spiritual mentor, not that I don’t have any in NC, but there is something comforting about sitting face-to-face with a person who wants and enjoys giving you spiritual advice and encouragement. So there I was, praying.

If only I had a spiritual mentor, someone who I could turn to when I need advice on ministry or encouragement on my spiritual growth, then things would be easier. Then a light bulb turned on.

How dependent on people am I that I go praying for more to depend on? Friendships/relationships are a beautiful thing, obviously. But could it be that the thing I am praying for…has been with me all along, since the beginning?

The next question: how does one break an unhealthy dependency on others and build a healthy dependency on Christ?

Well…I guess I am going to have to learn and find out!

SNOW!!!

It’s snowing! Finally! This is not momentary flurries or a light dusting…it’s SNOWING!

I have talked to the weather many times about this, and now today, he/she (does weather have a gender?) has so willing obliged to my complaints and consistent nagging. My wintry weather philosophy is this: if it is going to be cold, there might as well be white snow (as if there was such a thing as non-white snow…).

Lately the weather forecast has been teasing and pulling at my heartstrings. Expect snow…nothing. It is going to snow…nope never mind, today is going to be sunny. It will snow…I see snow…nope, forget it, it’s already gone. So when the forecast showed the lovely predication of white precipitation, I was incredulous and to be honest, bitter. I felt like I was being lied to again. But alas, snow has fallen (and is still fallen!)!

It IS beginning to ( finally) look a lot like Christmas!

It may not look like much...but within seconds the ground was covered! *squeal of delight*

Bye-Bye First Semester at Gordon!

As of 9:30 on Thursday morning, I finished my last exam (Foundations of Youth Ministry), hence culminating the end of my first semester at Gordon. …Wait…I’m done?! Seriously? It went by so quickly. I must have blacked out a couple of days. Gosh.

I remember at the beginning of the semester being told that it would all go by so fast. My reply was disbelief - I had yet to get through orientation and it felt like an eternity had passed (it was going to be a long four years). Now, I am already done with my first semester.

I have also heard that it just keeps going by faster. If this first semester passed by so quickly, I can’t imagine how quick the other semesters are going to go by. I don’t think in all honesty that I want it to go by THIS fast.

So now I have 30 days to catch up on sleep, reflect on this past semester, see family and friends, do nothing, review Spanish (so I won’t forget it), write, and read (amongst many other things), while preparing myself for the upcoming and final semester of my Freshman year. I seriously can’t believe that I am at this point in my life. [I apologize in advance for the potential repeated themes of reflection (and even confusion) during these next few (or more) posts. Bear with me – I am still processing not only this semester, but this past year of my life as well (and I may be doing this for some time – I hear it can take a while).]

My mind won’t seem to let me write any further. I guess that means bed for me (before midnight?! *gasp*).

Sweet dreams.

Sleep

College students don’t get much sleep. It’s a “no duh Sherlock” statement, but we (or more so I) need to be reminded of it. In about 6 hours and 4 minutes I will be waking up to get ready for my last and final exam of the semester (Foundations of Youth Ministry). I “went to bed” a little less than an hour ago. What the heck?! I can’t fall asleep. It appears that my body has now been wired to fall asleep around the precise time of 1:30ish-2 o’clock. Good grief.

I am trying to recall an interesting “fact.” At the beginning of this semester, I remember being told that during my college life one of three things would get sacrificed: schoolwork, friendships, or sleep. Well, I got to do schoolwork (I would prefer not to fail), and friends are a must (I think staying up late and laughing till my stomach hurts by myself would get old rather quickly). So alas, bye-bye sleep!

Next semester I will adapt to a better sleeping schedule…yeah right!

I know a few students who punctually go to bed around the ripe time of eleven o’clock. ELEVEN O’CLOCK! Gosh, imagine. That sounds delightful…but it also sounds rather dull. It isn’t till after eleven when all the fun starts!

One thing is for certain: sleep is precious. It is ironic that sleep is one of the few things our bodies need the most, yet it is one of the few things that we deprive our bodies of the most. Darn irony!

I could say that I’ll sleep when I’m dead. But am I crazy?! I won’t be sleeping! I am going to be laughing to three o’clock in the morning with Jesus every night (if there is such a concept of time in heaven…I couldn’t say).

So I come back to the same conclusion. College students don’t get much sleep.

This is what I would like to do... (sleep!)

...Oh well...

Reflect - A Poem

Clinging to the past, striving for the future,
She lays it all out on the table.
All that was, is, and will be;
Full of struggles, blessings, and precious memories.
Reflect on lessons, regrets, moments, and life, while lying in bed.
Move on to contemplating choices and establishing decisions,
Time to move ahead.

Study

I have officially entered into exam mode. Books are being glanced over once more, note cards are being created for easier review and access (at least for me personally), Pandora is being played nonstop, yup, I’m studying!

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” This has been my homework verse for a while now. It was a while ago when I just did NOT want to study. My brain had literally protested and won. It was on boycott; no studying. I had prayed for strength – I knew I wasn’t going to get through the papers and reading on my own. Immediately Colossians 3:23 came to mind. Opening up my purple Bible, I turned to the address, and sure enough, I got my strength. Homework in itself can be a challenge on some nights, but when it comes to exam studying…it means business. It means going four hours straight without stopping. It means staying up later than usual (and as college students, we already stay up pretty late). It means searching for caffeine sources to keep you awake. It means sacrificing, for a few days, "fun" to immerse yourself into hours of studying to in the end take an exam that in all honesty will last for only two hours.

My Old Testament professor mentioned that studying is a form of worship. I’m sure it refers to more the aspect of studying the Word of God. However, if whatever we do, we do for God’s glory…then really, studying (even in the academic sense) is an act of worship. It feels far fetched, but then, it makes perfect sense.

Well then off I must go. It’s time to hit the books once again!

Indecisive

I struggle with making decisions. Choosing whether I want peppermint stick or Oreo flavored Fro-Yo (frozen yogurt) for dessert after dinner at Lane (the cafeteria at Gordon) sends me into a panic – what do I do?! Each flavor in itself is entirely good. No matter what, I am going to have a sweet treat. However, I may eat that Oreo Fro-Yo and come to the unsettling conclusion that I should have went for the peppermint stick flavor. Now, this is just with ice cream. Imagine how I get when it comes to making IMPORTANT decisions (but don’t tell me that choosing what type of cheesecake I want from the Cheesecake Factory is not important…).

As I have gone about making big decisions this past year (those mostly concerning attending college and other things Gordon related), I have been able to gain some more insight into my decision making process. I, Katrina, get anxious over making the RIGHT decision. Whether it is between which Fro-Yo flavor to get (always choose peppermint stick), or which church to attend, I find I have this need to make the right choice. I find myself standing with a great choice on my right and an equally great choice on my left, but I got make sure that I pick what God wants me to do.

…Could it be, that when I am at a crossroad of picking between two good things that I may be allowed to just simply…make the choice? *gasp*

I know that whatever I choose out of these two choices will be blessed either way, but still, wouldn’t one choice still come out as being the WISER choice? Despite how much I may struggle with this aspect of life, there are a lot of choices I have made that I do not regret in making (like coming to Gordon). And when it comes to the choices that I realize were maybe not as wise, God has always provided a way “out” (whether it being an actual out or Him providing me with the strength needed to just get through it).

Though I may hmm and haw over what choices I may make in life, God knows the plans that he has for me, and for us (and they will prosper, not harm us; they will give us a hope and a future)- Jeremiah 29:11. He didn’t struggle over the cross. And Jesus, though he may have asked (only if it was God’s will) for that cup to be taken away from him, chose the cross. No hesitation. No "let me make sure this is the RIGHT decision." He made the choice. Yup. God is not indecisive.

Trains

There is something about riding on the T where I feel I have been placed in a cornucopia of diversity. It is on the train where cultures collide, for a split second or longer. Hispanics, Indians, Asians, Italian, black, white, men, women, and children create the colorful mosaic that inhabits those steel, fast shuttles. On the train, everyone has the same goal. They are going somewhere: home, work, school, to go exploring in Boston, to get to the airport, and/or going to a friend’s place. Wherever the destination may be, they are all in transit. Lives intersect. Hospitality is exercised in the act of someone offering a seat to another. Conversations start; lives are shared between strangers who may never in their lives meet again! Where a unique individual is heading to a specific destination, an inanimate object gets filled with life.

Change

I had that moment last night of just really missing my church family in NC. It was a bit overwhelming. Transition has been kind to me (I would say 80% of it has been almost sweet), but now and then – usually at night when things die down a bit – I just find myself missing everyone. It is perfectly normal, I guess.

College and my experiences here in Massachusetts are all so different and drastically new. I guess what I was aching for last night was something familiar: going to church on a weekday morning and staying till beyond five with my youth pastor, his wife, and their kids; getting to lead youth in a Bible study and build friendships with them. When I go back to visit, I know I will be welcomed back with open arms and love, but the home I left will no longer be the same (I understand that). It too will be different.

Now, I am not dissing change. Different can be entirely wonderful. However, there is still a mourning process for the “loss” of something. Again, I have not lost this community in NC. But, I have in a way lost what once was. Change will not make my NC reunions any less sweeter or less delightful. It will just be…different. I guess no matter where you are in life, or how much you trust that God has everything under control, the knowing that things will from here on out be different is still hard to swallow.

We are all constantly growing and changing, being formed all the more into the man or woman God created us to be. Sometimes that means we must stay where we are in life, and continue to deepen our roots. Sometimes that means we must suddenly uproot to be planted somewhere else among other flowers and plants. And when you go back to visit that sunny garden, you find that those buds you left behind are now flowers, or trees, striving in their environment in which they were called to remain. You too are now a flower, or a tree, but you just needed some new fertilizer to help your grow taller and stronger. You look at these dear plants who took you from being a seed to a bud, they too have changed. It saddens you that you were unable to watch them grow. However, you all agree that it was for the best (you would not have grown that way you did if you had not uprooted). Change, even if it involves a little bit of wilting, has the power to produce a flower. (This is quite a positive note, so I will end with this).

Always be Prepared

I am not one who tends to write about clothing (I being the one when someone mentions a certain brand of clothing will aptly respond with a blank stare). However, moving from North Carolina up to Massachusetts, I did not prepare well. December in North Carolina does not mean coat, jacket, and warm hat season (I washed my dad’s car in the middle of December once). December in Massachusetts, well, you better be prepared. Just the other day I found myself at a Young Life meeting cold in my shirt sleeve shirt. I wondered (as I tend to do) why I was so cold. Glancing around, I realized that everyone else in the room were warmly clothed in long sleeve shirts or was at least wearing a jacket/sweater. They knew the Massachusetts weather; I apparently have forgotten about it (it has been a few years). So, as was planned, my roommate and I got in my car and took off to Savers (a popular thrift store in Mass). My goal: to buy a few sweaters, long sleeved shirts, etc. Now, I am very much a jeans and t-shirt girl, so I had to tell Molly to keep me away from the t-shirt section (she succeeded). I have to brag…I walked out with a good buy. Next step in Project: Dress Katrina is: boots. Slowly, my wardrobe is adapting and transitioning to the colder climate.

Thankfully, my transition here at Gordon has run a bit smoother (and I haven’t found myself caught in the cold as often without a sweater – if you get my little analogy). I will admit tears have been involved, and I have had my doubts and struggles; however, the process of transitioning has been almost pleasant in some aspects. Maybe it was because, as opposed to my wardrobe, I was more equipped. A very dear friend shared with me her college experience (specifically her first few months of transition) and prepped me for mine. I knew tears would come; I knew I would struggle; I knew it would be hard. Has this made the transition process any less painful? Of course not! Change can be wonderfully good, but it can still hurt. However, by being prepared for what was to come (though we can never FULLY be prepared – things can still catch us off guard), I was (and still am for that matter) able to embrace the transition (pain and beauty).

So I will leave with this: 2 Timothy 4:2 mentions that we need to “be prepared in season and out of season.” So whether it is for an emotional transition, a geographical transition, or even a transition of wardrobe, let’s remember the wise Scout motto: “Always be prepared.”