Confirmation

per•se•vere –verb (used without object)
1. to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement;

James 1:2-4; 12 - 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Day One of taking a “Leap of Faith.”

So my morning with Jesus today consisted of me explaining that I was going to send in my deposit and trust that He would provide. Ending with a quick request for some further confirmation – I am an imperfect being that is constantly needing to be reassured and reaffirmed that she is walking on the right path – I left for church (a lovely highlight of my Sundays ).

It was during worship that I felt a soft nudge on the shoulder and was told by someone that he felt the Lord had two things for me:
1) That the Lord had began a good work in me and will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6) - I found myself thinking of Philippians 1:6 during prayer time this morning actually (funny how things work out, huh?).
2) And that those who persevere will receive the crown of life (James 1:12) – and with this one he said he felt that God was pleased with my perseverance and was building a strong foundation in me through this time of testing (which I have been sensing this strongly quite a bit lately).

So, if that is not confirmation for my morning prayer, I don’t know what is!

Slowly, I’ve been making it known that I, Katrina, have been accepted to Gordon College – yay! – and will be leaving in August for Massachusetts. Okay, interesting thing about BIG information. The more you share, the more real it all becomes. AND, the more I share, the more I have watched as loved ones who I know extremely well and not so well react with an underlining tone that says, “But, I don’t want you to leave!” – this has been wonderfully hard. Hard in the fact that my leaving is going to hurt and upset those around me, which I hate the idea of. Strangely wonderful in the aspect that…I’m loved!

I’m not merely leaving a place and some people. I’m leaving a home and a family. Jesus has blessed me extremely well with a family here in good ole NC. Abundantly blessed can be used quite loosely with this subject. Whenever I think about leaving this wonderful family of mine, the phrase, “you’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart” (Wicked quote from song ‘For Good’) comes to mind. I don’t think I can ever fully express how much everyone here means to me and how much they have impacted my life. They have helped me become the young lady who I am today.

On my way back from a cookout with a home group I just started to attend not too long ago, I found myself reflecting on how loved I feel and just how wonderfully and abundantly blessed I am for my church family. And now, I am being called to leave?! I know the closer it gets to my leaving that harder this is all going to become. However, I cannot deny the confirmation. I’m meant to go. My going to Gordon College is for God. I give this journey – I dedicate it - to Him who sends me.

Money issues – we all got em’

I found myself praying at my church yesterday (Friday) morning. Thanking God for my acceptance into Gordon, I followed with a new prayer, a prayer for provision. I asked God to help take care of my tuition, cost for things throughout the year (like gas for my car), and for the money I would need to move back up to Massachusetts . Previously I have been told by someone, who didn’t even know I was applying for college mind you, that I didn’t have to worry about things financially. There have been moments where I find myself feeling like I am going to be taken care of, completely, as in no debt. But, fear of getting my hopes up, it’s hard to believe this.

After my prayer, it was only but a mere few hours later when I checked out my Gordon page (something I find myself doing often…) and was able to see the Financial Aid I had been given. Dudes, I was stoked! I even had to walk out of the room I was in to a room where I could be alone to jump to my hearts delight – I’ve been doing a lot of jumping lately. Going back to look over the Financial Aid more in depth I found out a bit of news. Tuition was more than I realized, much more. It would be sufficient to say that I had a panic attack. (On top of this I have been dealing with some work complications which needless to say, not helping!)

So, this is where I am at. With the Financial Aid I have received – which again, is an amazing amount – I am exactly $13,588 dollars short for the school year. Quite frankly, my wealth in life does not convey of a plethora of crisp green bills.

Now, this girl has options. 1) Work Study – which I need to look to see if that could cover the entire amount I need 2) Loans – this is always an option, but not one I want to take so quickly 3) Scholarships – aw, free money! 4) Payment Plans – uh-oh. Oh what to do?

Remember that panic attack? Yeah, well I do! With panic comes questions which means doubt. Can I even afford to go to this school? Should I go to this school if it costs this much? Would it even be worth it for how much it costs? (I really can’t comprehend how ANYONE can be “lovers of money.” Really. Why bother with it if it causes this much insanity?!).

Throughout all of this I got to remember – I got to remember this right now at this very moment as I type these very words (this craziness only happened yesterday so panic is still around the edges) – what god do I serve? Cause, I know for a fact, my God is quite brilliant at showing off in the area of provision. I mean, if He takes such care of the creatures of this earth…how much more so will He take care of His daughter (and this is Biblical folks!)??? This process isn’t going to be easy – it isn’t supposed to be easy (yes, this is Biblical also…can’t be picking and choosing here). However, my God promises to take care of me and see me through things. Booyah! (Don’t know if this is the right sentiment…but it was the first thing that came to mind).

I still need to send in my deposit, which yesterday I found myself thinking maybe I should make sure I can get everything covered before doing that…but then I may not get this deposit in for a few months. Another thing that is very Biblical, leaps of faith. Jumping into a pool with no water was one analogy I read once. You jump into the pool with faith and trust that God will fill it up with water before you well…kerplat! When God told Abraham to leave his home and that He would show him where to go, did Abraham make sure that God was going to lead him to a quiet suburb, where he would live on a nice plot of land, in a lovely colonial house (2 bedrooms, 2 baths) with a white picket fence? No. He followed him to a land called Canaan where he was made into a “great nation.” (And through a wife whose factory was declared closed for quite a while)

So I’ve decided I will go ahead and send in this deposit. Sadly this “Leap of Faith” gusto is wearing off, because I don’t know how they want the deposit to be sent and I won’t be able to figure that out probably till this Tuesday.

$13,388. Not that bad of a “Mount Everest ” to climb. Lord, I pray that you will provide…because you’re going to have to provide BIG TIME!

I’m going to college!!!

I got to write this down. This is something I got to remember!

It was just yesterday morning that I found myself sitting in a friends house (I have been house sitting for her), spending some lovely time with Jesus when this prayer came to my lips. My application was finally completely at Gordon College. I had the day before received the confirmation email stating that the admissions committee would be reviewing my things and I would be notified eventually (I was told by a counselor that it would take up to 1-2 weeks). I had done my part. It was out of my hands. My prayer? Yes, the lovely prayer. Looking back, was it more of an ultimatum? Or just…an opening of one’s heart to God’s glorious and perfect will. The prayer? Yes, I’m getting to it. My prayer was simply that if I was meant to go to Gordon, God would let me get in. However, if I was not meant to go to Gordon, I would obviously be denied acceptance into the college (which I strongly believed would happen if it meant to be). So things were left at that. Jump to that evening (stick with me here). I find myself sitting in the living room writing out an email to my work. My hours have gradually, yet quite quickly, been getting cut – I am at a state of “Yay for free time! Boo for finances and savings!” Knowing that whether I get into Gordon or not would determine some things at my job, I found myself thinking – “It would be nice (or more so convenient) to know this week if I’m going to get in or not…”

So, we come to this morning. This lovely Wednesday morning on the 27^th of May. Time? Honestly, doesn’t really matter – but the nonchalance stems from that fact that I honestly don’t know what time it was – but it was blissful hour : beautiful minute (s) in the morning. I went on the computer – feeling the urge to check my email – and had a very life-changing email awaiting from me.

“Congratulations on your acceptance to Gordon!”

!!!!!! Thank you Jesus !!!!!!

A lovely cornucopia of emotions (I heard someone use that description once. I rather like it.) overwhelmed me. Shock – a part of me wasn’t sure I would get in. Happy – I got in! Relief – I finally know whether I’m going or not. Excitement – I’m going to college!!! Nervousness – I’m going to college. Bittersweetness (apparently it’s not a word – Microsoft Words lovely spell check confirms that – but it should be. Bittersweetness: state of being bittersweet) – I’m leaving. Readiness – I’m ready to go. Joy – Praise Jesus! I’ll admit it – I cried folks. Yup, I did. And I will confess that I am not a crier. The tears reflected my emotions spot on, tears of joy, relief, bittersweetness.

After screaming with delight, dancing in the chair followed by some gleeful jumping (not in the chair…), and praising Jesus (the best I could say was simply, “Thank You”) I figured…I should probably call someone. So began the series of calls and couple emails filled with much awaited news for those who have been a part (whether small or big) of this process of figuring out God’s will for my life concerning college, whether I should stay in North Carolina or go to Massachusetts (where Gordon is at), applying, and waiting for the news. Shrieks, congratulations, excited questions where amongst the unique (and similar even) replies to my opening statements, “Guess who’s going to college?!” “I got into Gordon!” “I’m going to college!”

There are some many aspects of this that I am just amazed, where I am proud of myself, and where I’m thrilled, so thankful to God and so in awe of how He works everything out

Gosh. Now I got to wait till August?!?!?! I know even with these next couple months there is going to be a lot of planning and preparing that needs to be done, experiences that will be made, things that still need to be worked through and figured out, and growth that will and needs to take place.

Till then I go with this…I GOT IN! Look out Massachusetts! This dang Yankee is returning back to her northern roots – I’M GOING TO COLLEGE!!!!!!