Money issues – we all got em’

I found myself praying at my church yesterday (Friday) morning. Thanking God for my acceptance into Gordon, I followed with a new prayer, a prayer for provision. I asked God to help take care of my tuition, cost for things throughout the year (like gas for my car), and for the money I would need to move back up to Massachusetts . Previously I have been told by someone, who didn’t even know I was applying for college mind you, that I didn’t have to worry about things financially. There have been moments where I find myself feeling like I am going to be taken care of, completely, as in no debt. But, fear of getting my hopes up, it’s hard to believe this.

After my prayer, it was only but a mere few hours later when I checked out my Gordon page (something I find myself doing often…) and was able to see the Financial Aid I had been given. Dudes, I was stoked! I even had to walk out of the room I was in to a room where I could be alone to jump to my hearts delight – I’ve been doing a lot of jumping lately. Going back to look over the Financial Aid more in depth I found out a bit of news. Tuition was more than I realized, much more. It would be sufficient to say that I had a panic attack. (On top of this I have been dealing with some work complications which needless to say, not helping!)

So, this is where I am at. With the Financial Aid I have received – which again, is an amazing amount – I am exactly $13,588 dollars short for the school year. Quite frankly, my wealth in life does not convey of a plethora of crisp green bills.

Now, this girl has options. 1) Work Study – which I need to look to see if that could cover the entire amount I need 2) Loans – this is always an option, but not one I want to take so quickly 3) Scholarships – aw, free money! 4) Payment Plans – uh-oh. Oh what to do?

Remember that panic attack? Yeah, well I do! With panic comes questions which means doubt. Can I even afford to go to this school? Should I go to this school if it costs this much? Would it even be worth it for how much it costs? (I really can’t comprehend how ANYONE can be “lovers of money.” Really. Why bother with it if it causes this much insanity?!).

Throughout all of this I got to remember – I got to remember this right now at this very moment as I type these very words (this craziness only happened yesterday so panic is still around the edges) – what god do I serve? Cause, I know for a fact, my God is quite brilliant at showing off in the area of provision. I mean, if He takes such care of the creatures of this earth…how much more so will He take care of His daughter (and this is Biblical folks!)??? This process isn’t going to be easy – it isn’t supposed to be easy (yes, this is Biblical also…can’t be picking and choosing here). However, my God promises to take care of me and see me through things. Booyah! (Don’t know if this is the right sentiment…but it was the first thing that came to mind).

I still need to send in my deposit, which yesterday I found myself thinking maybe I should make sure I can get everything covered before doing that…but then I may not get this deposit in for a few months. Another thing that is very Biblical, leaps of faith. Jumping into a pool with no water was one analogy I read once. You jump into the pool with faith and trust that God will fill it up with water before you well…kerplat! When God told Abraham to leave his home and that He would show him where to go, did Abraham make sure that God was going to lead him to a quiet suburb, where he would live on a nice plot of land, in a lovely colonial house (2 bedrooms, 2 baths) with a white picket fence? No. He followed him to a land called Canaan where he was made into a “great nation.” (And through a wife whose factory was declared closed for quite a while)

So I’ve decided I will go ahead and send in this deposit. Sadly this “Leap of Faith” gusto is wearing off, because I don’t know how they want the deposit to be sent and I won’t be able to figure that out probably till this Tuesday.

$13,388. Not that bad of a “Mount Everest ” to climb. Lord, I pray that you will provide…because you’re going to have to provide BIG TIME!